My Life

Part one, the encounter

I wanted to dedicate this to my great aunt (94), but I would not want to cause her any stress, so I wont.

In case there is anyone out there who has an interest, take from this post what you might, but everything that I describe herein, happened, and should be taken as fact, you might not believe me, but you weren’t there, I was.

I shall begin.

It all began in 1985, however I didn’t know it at the time; but on one particular night I went to bed as usual, and this is where my life as I knew it ended.

Perhaps I should start a it earlier. I was extreemly (as I know now) depressed, something that I struggle with even now, I would work long enough to get UI, and then sit arround for the next year watching TV. An almost total wast of a life, Smoking, drugs, and booze, so much booze.

On August 3^rd 1984 I had an interview with Harveys in the west end (Edmonton, 107^th and 107th), and on the 4rth I started work there.

A few days into the job I remember having my hands elbow deep in dishwatter and thinking, I wish I was happy, dear god if only I could be happy.

This was also the time when I stopped doing drugs, you see I bought some coke at a bar (Smitty’s bar at WEM), and after spending $180, and getting no effect, I just quit. Everyone else got high, but it just had no effect on me. I just couldn’t keep doing it.

Harvey’s was about three miles away from home, and it was early enough that there were no busses; so I walked, wich over time really gave me a lot of time to think (this was before ipods).

within a few months I had worked into a nice steady routine, I would come in, set up, cook breakfasts, and then make the fries. Now Harvey’s fries were great, I don’t know if they still are, but at that time, I made them from scratch. I would spend my mornings, peeling, slicing, blanching, and then pre frying; and I must say, they were some mighty good fries.

About an hour spent walking and three hours in the fry room in the never ending routine of making fries, gave me a lot of time to think, and to a great extent was the crucible in which the future me was formed.

I lasted one year there, and strangest of all, I lasted another, and another, another, and then another eleven months; but back to where we left off.

On that fatefull night in 85, something happened that I had never experienced before (well, mostly, but the falling into bed dream, I will try to work in latter, or in another post).

I seemed like an ordinary dream, but it ws in colour, and now that I think about it, my only previous dream in colour was my childhood, falling dream. Maybe I will relay that now, as maybe it is related (personal growth moment just happened).

I was about five, and all that I remember seeing and feeling was walking on a long peer that I used to visit, then looking over the edge, falling into the water, and instead of hittting the watter, falling through this hole in my roof (that opened up) and gentily landing on my bed, then drifting quickly back to sleep, never to have another dream experience like it until 85.

As I said, I had another dream in colour, he first thing that I saw was this smoke, thick smoke about chest high so one could look down at it. Off in the distance (and nearby) every so often a whisp of moke would rise up about a foot, and then settle down the way smoke might.

Every time that this happened, I felt something, I just, well, like I just knew stuff, and the more smoke whisps that came and went, it was like, the more that I just knew. It wasn’t like I had to think, the knowlage was just there, and then, it was like I was one with the smoke, and all of a sudden, there were no questions, just all the knowlage from everywhere, everything.

I wasn’t scared, I felt this completely non emotional joy, this oneness, which I can only describe it as, well knowlage. and for once I was complete, perfectly happy, at the risk of being clecheic, I felt that I was one with, everything, perfect bliss.

Now this happened overnight, but believe me, it could have been a few moments, or eternity, it was the most perfect experience, and one that I chased for many years (the smoke will be important again latter).

The next morning I walked to work feeling exilerated, and more alive than I thought possable, everything was still perfect, until I got to work, and around people.

If you know what is coming next, perhaps I am not alone here.

As soon as I encountered people, I felt scared, I felt odd and very nervous. After a while I was in the fry room away from people and started to feel better, and began to realize that when I was near a person, I just new everything about them.

I didn’t have to think about it, the knowlage was just there like it had always been there, and yes I freaked out, I didn’t know what to do.

Fortunately this thing that was happening was less and less intense with every hour that passed, and I not knowing what was happening I just wanted it to stop.

For the next week, everytime I passed anyone, I would just know everything about them, personal information, there deepest thoughts and fears, and everything that they had experienced or thought. I didn’t have to think about it, it was just there, once again, like it had always been.

This should have been a happy blisful time, and one of extreem growth.

Unfortunately at the time I was terrified and just wanted it to end, and unfortunately over the next week or so, it did. It just happened less and less, until, for the most part, it just stopped happening.

For the most part.

Once I calmed down and began to realize what a guift that these experiences were, I began chasing “the smoke” and years latter, I came close, twice; but that is another story,

Be happy, be good to others, and remember to be good to yourself.

Glenn

Well, it might have come thirty years later than it should have, but I get it now.

I have spent the past 20+ years figuring things out and doing serious soul searching on the path to becoming the dude that I am now, but it is an ongoing evouoution of the self. Like in that old cancer commercial, “it is a bunch of little eureka’s” (if you remember this, you might be old, or an Al Waxman fan).

I concider myself somewhat sensitive to the needs and feelings of others, but I am still an old dog, raised in a different time, and in ways, with diferent values.

When I was in school, there were very few “special needs” kids, and I was told that I was lazy and stupid. The teachers would take great delight in passing arround my writing that they refered to as Glenn’s “hyrogliphics”, then laugh and laugh.

You see writing hurts, and still does. I can only write a sentence or two and my hands start hurting, but back then, they just said I was lazy.

Not that I am complaining (much), and we all have our things to deal with, but as I said, 40 years ago, things were, well just different.

Like at work, I know that helping to take down the salad bar is not my job, and I enjoy it, unless I am really busy, then I need as much time as I can get for my own work. I could however be wrong, so I wont say anything, and I am the new guy, and I have a habit of choosing the wrong time to speak up (which I only find funny in retrospect).

Well, I am probably straying a bit from my chosen topic, the point is that the teachers made fun of me, and I felt worthless.

Oh yes I have a screwed up eye, which to me is no biggie, but it does tend to affect how people “sometimes” treat me, for example, I went back to school as an adult and actually completed something.

I will write muh more about this in time, but right now it is only important that I took a series of courses, finished something, and really felt good.

Unfortunately there were many interviews where interviewers would say things like “your eye might bother the staff, or our customers”, or the place that said “no, we can’t let you work on computers, but you could work part time, unloading the trucks”

Out of desperation I even went to Employabilities, who specialize in placing disabled people. I walked in and before I could explain about my (computer) certifications, the fellow sat back, crossed his hands and said (and I quote) “you are unemployable, you might as well leave”.

Talk about feeling worthless, but once again, well, until I gave up, and now I mainly just wash dishes and work in warehouses. I do however keep plugging away at the computer thing, sort of like the lottery, if you don’t buy a ticket, you don’t have any hope.

Now that the stage is set, I will get back to our little morality play for tonight.

I was sitting in the bar after work a few nights ago, and being a bar there was were one (well more, but that is not part of this story) obnoxious jerk.

By the way, this is one reason that I stopped drinking, after getting my little bit of education, I went from a happy drunk to an obnoxious one.

anyway, this jerk (emboldened by alchohol) yelled out “********, you have the sweetest ass that I have ever seen”.

well sir, all of a sudden, all these things came rushing back to my memory, as I saw this poor girl tighten up, and I could just feel the frustration.

It is sad to say, but true, if a lady works in a bar, she will get bigger tips, the fewer or tighter her cloths, that is life, and she chose to work there.

No one however should be treated like a thing, or that all they are is a “nice ass”, and sadly I will say to this lady, and all other bar waitresses, whenever this happens, I am sorry, but at least, I get it now.

Be happy,be good to others and remember to be good to yourself (you are worth it).

Glenn

gaburey@talkingtoghosts.com

Hi everyone;

I have taken a part time job at a movie house so I can post some reviws, minimum wage and no benifits, but free films. I will be posting these on my scruffymedia.com site. but my “Batman” series, I will be crossposting. After this I should be getting back to the usual crap.

By the way, by getting some of this stuff out I am calmer and happier.

My first (set of) reveiws is on “The Dark Knight”,  enjoy.

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Yes, a guy who happily admits when he is wrong, and was I wrong!

On the 20^th I went to see “The Dark Knight” expecting to complain and let everyone know what is wrong with it. I hated “Top Gun” (take out the people and you might have a nice documentary), I thought that “Transformers” was the biggest piece of crap only rivaled in its “crapulance by “Men In Black”.

Yes, I enjoy being that lone (because no one wants to see films with me anymore) voice of reason in the wilderness, the one saying that the emperor has no clothes, the one who says “forget the hype and think, just think for yourself”.

So I walked into the theatre feeling all superior, but am glad to say, I WAS WRONG!!!!!!!!!

Not only was I wrong, but in a movie acted by some of the most talented people alive, I was blown away. It was like 2 movies in one, the movie, and Mr. Ledger showing everyone else, how it should be done.

Yes I was very wrong and I will set out to see Mr. Ledger’s other films as I would like to see if this performance was created by a talent outclassing all others, or, that once in a lifetime role when an actor goes beyond himself  and  gives the world the best that they have, a moment in time, a point of perfection, their best performance, paling everything before, and filling future performances with a sadness in the knowledge that, it is over, now they are just marking time until retirement.

This, by the way could be why this young tragic death has touched so many of us, perhaps it makes us think, “have I already given my best, am I just putting in time until my own demise”?

Either way this is a movie that I, and I am sure many others, will put on our shelfs next to movies like “Citizen Kane”, “12 Angry men” and “Casablanca”.

As for me, what is next, well, I have my ticket to go back to that theatre and see, you guessed it, “The Dark Knight”, and loose myself in a performance that to me is as perfect and captivating as the angelic voice of Mario Lanza.

Perfection in any form touches us all, some say it brings us closer to god, and this mans work in this film does just that.

Thank you Mr. Ledger.

Be happy, be good to others and always remember to be good to your self

Glenn

gaburley@talkingtoghosts.com

So, it turns out that father never wanted me back home.

While this might sound bad, it really isn’t; let me back up a bit.

I am still happy and as much as he tries, I am still not loosing my cool with father.

As I write this I am actually waiting for the “West Edmonton Mall” Apple store to open in… 8 hours and 13 minutes, actually, not just open, but the grand opening. I have just enough to get an ipod Shuffle (1gig), true I will not have much left to see me through until payday, but I will be fine, and the payday story I will get around to soon.

I actually was not that exited, however I wanted to experience an opening like this; you know at other openings there are people in line, days in advance. By the way West Edmonton Mall is the biggest mall in the world (take that mall of America), so I was expecting a really fun time.

So far there only about 6 people in line, disappointing, but still cool, and if you go to my talkingtoghosts site, I will try to have some video up this weekend.

Wow, did I get off topic!

Anyhoo, father was asking why I declared bankruptcy (99). Now he was there when I was going through it, but he was mourning the loss of his wife, so I am sure that there is much that time is forgotten in the “cruel mist of grief” (cool choice of words huh).

I explained about being tricked into coming here, and as you know that is the reason for much of my bitterness.

Father just said “I never wanted you here”.

Now, this might seem cruel, but, we don’t like each other and we are stuck (yes by fear as much as anything, but I am cool with that).

I reached down and as I touched my dog I realized something, and told father. I said that while I would have preferred to have remained up north, I would not want to give up a moment with my Scruffy.

Father doesn’t want me here, I don’t want to be here, but now everything is pretty much okay, as long as I have my dreams my experiments,,, and a puppy to love.

Sometimes without knowing it, and even in a pile of crap, happiness finds us, like Scruffy found me.

Be happy, be good to others, and always remember to be good to your selfs.

Glenn

Hi everyone;

Wow do I have a story. You see, this morning I was walking my puppy (Scruffy, and yes, he earned that name), and thought that it is about time to do a random act of kindness, pulled scruffy away from something gross and thought no more of it.

As our walk was drawing to a close, one of the neighbours stopped to talk as he was driving by,

Twice I have sorted out computer problems for this guys family, and I used to work with his daughter (total babe), so like acquaintances and neighbours, we spent a few minutes talking. Unfortunately, his other daughter has cancer and has to go to another city for a bone marrow transplant.

Now I take this very personally as mother “thought” herself to death, when she was diagnosed with cancer. You see 50+ years ago she was a nurse, and back then, cancer was (in her mind) a death sentence.

This pushy, strong, opinionated; maybe I should take a moment and tell you about mother, and the best way to do this is to retell a line from her eulogy.

“In their long marriage, Lilian made all the small decisions and being the dutiful wife, left all the big decisions to father; unfortunately, there never seemed to be any, big decisions”.

Anyhoo, this strong woman did something that still un nerves me; she gave up. Less than 5 weeks later, she was dead; maybe outlook would not have changed anything, but that is why I will always take this personally.

Anyway this fellows daughter is well, if you know, you understand, and there is no more explanation needed.

Without thinking about it, and knowing that there will be hours spent waiting in doctor’s offices; I packaged up my ipod touch (my eternal companion), and walked it over to her parents place for her.

Now, lets get this straight, I hate people, I have no time for them, all they have brought me is disappointment. When I am lucky enough to have a girlfriend, life is great, with her I am kind loving and open, but that is it.

Well, the exception is her family, if they are cool, I become Mr. Family dude; basically, I am a lot like Homer Simpson. Beyond this I avoid people (okay, I am desperately lonely, but that is my own pile of crap).

I do strangely, like doing nice things for people, you know, random acts of kindness.

The Christians are correct when they say, “good acts won’t get you into heaven”, however, things like this can make a blue day happy, and, well, on my crazy little world, I feel that people should help each other. Good acts, if done with a happy heart, can change a person, and sometimes, this is where happiness comes from.

Also, if you can give up a cherished possession and feel good about it, it does, in time change one, and I like the change; but I still don’t like people (yeah, I don’t even try to figure it out anymore).

When I needed help, no one was there, and I just don’t want anyone else to feel that way, especially if they are dealing with cancer.

I did have to chuckle, as not 15 minutes earlier, I was thinking about charitable acts; Maybe I should think about the lottery, Ha Ha.

Be happy, be good to others and remember to be good to your selfs

Glenn

Ps. A grapefruit a day and still depression free, but kind of bored; yeah, I am complicated (Ha Ha).

Hooray hooray it’s Canada Day,
A day of picnics and fun and play.

Things to do and things to see,
Please ladys, start dating me.

Just a friendly hint (Ha Ha; but no, really, I am lonely)

Be happy, be good to others and always remember to be good to yourself.

Glenn

So, eight days without depression; cool, but strangely, even father has not managed to get a rise out of me (and he is the frustrating one, no really he is).

For example, a few days ago I watered the flower bed, by the back of (and against) the  house. It is one of those drip hoses, and so I just left it on for about a half an hour, then turned it off before I left for work. By the way that wall leaks, you see the house has cracked basically in half, a few years ago father fixed the crack at the front of the house. Pulled the wall and insulation down and filled the crack (when dry) with silicone glue.

Sometimes it is nice having someone there who does know about that stuff. I don’t think that he will do the same to the rear wall, as every now and then he stops doing things that become too hard for him (like his woodwork), and I know better than to embarrass him by asking, when something becomes to hard, it just wont get done Until I can hire someone.

I will give him credit as many guys would just keep on until they got hurt. One day I will relate a story that altered my life and taught me about mortality. About when my grand gather tried to fix one thing to much because of male pride and, well, I understood that they are all,,, mortal. Yeah, I wasn’t a child, but, it still chills me,

Anyhoo, father chose that morning to water that flower bed, and left it on until I got back home. Water had seeped into the basement and well then the rug really smells until it dries out.

Like stuff  happens, no biggie,,, except.

When I got home, the first words out of my fathers mouth were, you are why the carpet is wet! You should have told me you had watered the flower bed.

Well sir, this (after a hard day of avoiding work), is the type of thing that would usually set me off; but not after the grapefruit!

I told father that maybe he should water when we are both there, so he doesn’t forget to turn it off, it is easy to forget that the water is on, I have done it also.

No anger, no scene, no hurt feelings (on either side), and still no depression. I  like this grapefruit and its effects. I have had eight days of blissful rest, and before you start saying that it is all in my mind; who cares! I am happier, father doesn’t seem to be getting on my nerves, and be it the grapefruit “leveling out my insulin levels, or just the “placebo” effect, life is good for Glenn, my puppy (and father).

I worked (at Goodwill) with a doctor of botany, who visited his wife (in Canada) for 3 months a year, and worked there to spend more time with her. Yes, they were devoted to each other, but after a life of travel, she wanted to stay here and they were together for three months a year. Well, that is the short story, but is is a good story, and they were super people.

He and his wife took bamboo in water every day to prevent diabetes, perhaps it works the same way as grapefruit. I have asked health store people and doctors about this, but they just scoff and laugh. Mind you, after seeing what the grapefruit has done for me, maybe I should persist and try to learn more.

Oh yes, apparently the same thing is in dark chocolate, so enjoy without guilt (I certainly will)!

Be happy, be good to others and remember to be good to your selfs

Glenn

Ps. we always hear about women running to the chocolate (or chocolate ice cream)when they get dumped and are depressed, This just makes me think.

Extra Ps. I was just getting another coffee and the woman at the counter had very distinctive and nice earrings. I asked where she got them and she said “Peru”, being a really bad flirt I said, oh, can you  “Peru-ve” it.

Yes, once again I sent a nice woman running, I think I need some better jokes.

Bye

So If you remember where we left off, that is great, but just in case (you know I tend to ramble) I will summerize.

I wont (if I am strong enough), have degrading sex with men just to relive how I feel arround “father”. Strangely, or happily for me as I like women, unless I am reenacting this role (I assume).

So what do I do so I can overcome this hornyness, whithout doing anything degrading or degrading anyone else?

Maybe I should add a note here, you see I am always talking about sex and it seems (even to me) that I am always horny, wich is another reason that I can’t date. Would you want to be sitting across form this drooling beast at a restaurant who is obviously obsessed with nine years of sexual frustration (and, well, it is a restaurant, so I would pretty much be drooling anyway).

I had a thought, why not just budget for some “compensated company” every once in a while?

Well, at first I will be so crazy from lack of sex that, well (brain, cartoon!), I picture this Lady of the evening standing at my door about to ring the doorbell, then noticing  some bills in her hand, and thinking, wow, that was quick.

Now once this initial sexual release is taken care of, I am sure that I will settle down into the normal male routine, of only, “mostly” thinking about sex, instead of having it consume my life.

Yes, why not just do like I did in Vagas (awsome story) and let professionals look after me?

Well, prostitutes are hard working women, who really are not given the respect, dignity and admiration that we give to (or should give to) any other business woman.

These women, are women first and shouldn’t be put down or used. Unfortunately, I feel that me going to them for help, might be “using them”, so I am not sure what to do.

I have heard very often that there are “women giving it away, everywhere”, well. not so, and if they are, could they be doing it for a wrong reason (like me and abusive guys).

Once again, the “guy” thing hasn’t happened yet and hopefully wont.

So I don’t know what to do, which brings to mind ,,, a story!

This story is entitled “How a prostitute made me feel really good for a toonie!”

For all you international readers, in Canada the $2 dollar coin is referred to as the “toonie”, just google it (or google it on Yahoo) for a fuller explanation.

I was working in one of the more interesting, but less disireable parts of town, and one day while waiting for my bus a slightly grubby but nice looking woman approached me, and being a guy, I sucked my gut in and thought, “alright”.

She asked me if I had any spare change and being a hippie (and she being a woman), I reached in my pocket and produced a toonie, placed it in her super soft and totally hot hand, gently closed it, like in the movies, and looked her in the eye as she said with a smile, “well, it is easier than a date”.

I smiled back and said, “you wouldn’t want to be with me anyway, I mean, just look at me.

She then came close, touched my arm, and whispered in my ear, “it’s okay, it will happen for you”.

And that my friends is the story of how “A prostitute made me feel good for a toonie”.

The point of this heartwarming and poignient story (to me it is heartwarming and a bit poignient, what ever that is), is that I see these women as they are , people, and business women, I just don’t know if I could go to them, in case I caused emotional harm.

What will I do, stay tuned and find out. unless you are a woman in Edmonton, who knows what I am going through and wants to help (please please please please please please please please).

So I guess that I should not have sex until father dies, goes into a home or is taken over by one of my (in name) brothers.

How I ended up here, when I was happy up north, well, that story is well (but not fully) covered on my previous posts.

Let us just say that neither of the brothers could be bothered to look after father, and for some strange reason he thinks that the sun shines out of there butts; while I am the looser, but more on that latter.

Now to be honest now that father is getting (even) older, my younger brother is talking about taking him, which would be great, except that it will never happen. Mind you it is smart of him to talk like that as father is getting closer to the inevitable.

Oh yes, I really don’t trust people or there motivation much anymore.

Anyhoo, he will be 82 soon and I was trying to ask him if he would like me to get him an e-book reader, and the usual happened. Moments after I started talking his stare went to the window and became distant; well at this point there is no point talking. You see he does this when ever I speak, unless it is an answer to a direct question.

A lifetime ago I loved with a wonderfully messed up woman (whom I truly hope is happy, as she really was cool), who destroyed my life with a small, insignificant question.

One day, almost as an afterthought she asked, “why do your parents always interrupt you, and not the other kids?”.

Well sir, it was at that moment that my (up until then) perfect fairy tail life, and my perfect loving family was torn away, never to return.

If you scour some of my previous post you can get the full story of how I came to be back to this dysfunctional dung heap; and hopefully it is interesting reading.

Before we move on let me issue this warning. Should a family member need you, and you already have any sort of a life, forget them, let them fucking rot, cause they will just crush your spirit and drag you down with them. For me it is too late the emotional (and I am sure, physical) damage is done, I am ruined, I exist in a place where even love can no longer reach (I am too fucking ugly anyway).

Cherish your life, DON”T LOOK AFTER FAMILY!!!

where was I, Oh yes, I did the only thing that i could and asked him what he was looking at, he said (very excitedly) “a bird on a wire”!

Yes, he is 81 and you might well say, he is old, he can’t concentrate, it just isn’t a “good day”.

I could live with that, and for years I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but with my (in name) brothers, he listens intently, never interrupts and never looks away or starts starring “out the window” and they always get his full attention.

Yeah, I know how this sounds, however in ways it has made me strong. You see, except when I am horny (after nine years of celibacy, when I get horny, it is in ways, overpowering), but it goes deeper than that, when you continually interrupt a child as they grow, you are saying that they are not important, and worthless.

I have refused to do (comp.) work for people because I have heard them calling there kids things like, idiot and dummy. I am proof that this fucks kids up, so don’t do it!

So where does this ramble leave us, well until he dies, or otherwise moves on, I wont be having sex; even gay sex with guys chosen who will let me play out this role and degrade me. I could NEVER develop feelings for a guy and women don’t dig me, and I don’t blame them, considering the state I am in.

If I did bring a woman over he would spend his time telling me how cheap she is (after all, she would be seeing me, so in his mind…). Unfortunately at this point I am far too damaged to trust anyone anyway. As for moving out; firstly I would (I am sure) be blamed for anything that happened to him, and after nine years, I am institutionalized, it is to late, I am too screwed up.

All this because I tried to ask him if he wanted an ebook reader (for the sizable print) Strangely, and I am sure that this is all too common; the parent will not listen, go without, or knnowingly make a bad choice just so they can show the caregiver “who  the boss is”.

How does this matter to the men I have been corresponding with, well, you don’t get your sex slave. I just don’t think that I can go so far as to relive the abuse, it would feel great at the moment, and people all over the world are do this nightly. I just can’t let him win, I wont let his actions totally ruin my (eventual) chance for a life. You see once I go down that road of reliving how worthless “daddy” makes me feel, I will never (emotionally) escape.

It is unfortunate, and I wish that it weren’t true, but there are many people out there (maybe you) who know how I feel and understand what I am going through (we are going through).

The next post will be (I promise) lighter, and will end this post on a happier note.

Be happy, be good to others, and remember to be good to your selfs.

Glenn

I have given up a lot, and this is just one more thing, but I will outlive him and move far far away, where maybe I can relearn the skills I need to look after myself. I don’t think that I will ever get my life back, but I will find a life where I can start making some decisions for myself.

So today I am not depressed. I have been depressed for about weeks, not one of those serious ones that let you know that they are there, but one of the sneaky ones that zap your energy, keep you from getting things done and eventually keep you in bed at every possible moment.

I have had this what I call “low level” depression since my cousin left. She was visiting and well when she left, I went back to house sitting (talkingtoghosts.com, see my 4 part article “I an not gay, apparently”) and slipping into an all to common depression.

You see, she is probably the only family member that I talk to (long story). I have also been in love with her ever since; well, loving her is my first memory.

First cousin!!!!!!!!!

It isn’t as bad as it seems, as we are both adopted; weird, but the heart wants, well you know the rest (silly hearts).

Actually I was going to make my “move” when she was here, but I would rather not know and still have her in my life.

To be honest, while I am a groovy dude, I can’t seem to make a relationship work, and I would not want to see her sad or in pain; and after nine years alone, well, it is pretty much hopeless.

But hey, at least I feel something; but back to our story.

I decided to start eating grapefruit to help my cholesterol, and I had one, a red one last night.

Grapefruit apparently have flavinoids in them, which are mood stabilizers and acts like an antidepressant. The same thing is in “dark” chocolate (that is one for us fat guys!).

Now as we all know, antidepressants don’t take effect immediately, that is imposable! Mind you just because something is impossible doesn’t necessarily mean that it didn’t happen.

I went to bed late and had less sleep than usual, but I awoke refreshed, and for the first time in weeks, I wasn’t depressed; and it lasted all day. So guess what I am going out to buy once I finish this; you guessed it, grapefruit and dark chocolate (well, low salt chips; I’ve been good!)

I will let you all know how the next few days go.

Be happy, keep smiling and be good to others

Glenn